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July 2010
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The Budman |

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The 7th
witnessed
the editor in beautiful downtown Monterey, taking in the sights
of hundreds of harbor seals acting like Rotarians after a big
lunch, catching the surf and the breezes, and hunting
for more good seafood. Great restaurant on the wharf that
doesn't mind the dog you brought and seats you outside where you
can watch the seals and seabirds duel it out while the dog
alternately yaps and begs for another piece of calamari.
The
14th revealed
the editor pawing away at bartender Lion Chris for a pen and
paper (forgot them for the first time). Lion Bud offered napkins
for a scratch pad. Could this be the early onset of brain plaque
otherwise known as the big A? I'll make sure I ask our
speaker guests from Sutter Auburn Faith today. Shit! I forgot
her name again!
The 21st found
the unlikely assemblage of Lions Klink, Rogers, and Batmale
holdin g forth
on the Trojan travails and upcoming schedules. Reggie losing the Heisman, Mike Garrett (whom I blocked for in my senior season
and who has comped me g reat tickets in years past) dismissal as
AD, the hiring of Pat Haden as new AD—all of these
transmogrifications occurred because a bunch of old white men
think they are lawyers. If USC lacks "institutional control,"
what can be said of an organization that has sold its soul to
the television industry and video games, the funds returned, of
course, to the players that earned them, NOT Tut... tut...
tut...Fight On! It may take another century, but we will get
this right some day. Lion Chuck was good enough to remind us
that his Spartans used to butt heads with San Quentin
inmates—ouch! Lion Bill Grant, fresh from a seminar on bar
behavior offered by Lion Steve Stephenson, cursorily snagged
some pretzels and free water on his way to socialist dependency.
I gave Lion Paul Batmale The Real All-Americans for a
good read. It's featured in the new Book Nook.
The
28th produced
a bar scene inhabited by a healing
Lion Klink, Tony O, Paul the 7-up
King (give me some ice and squeeze the "L"),
moi, and
other miscreants. Talk turned to travel arrangements as
Bartender Bud contemplated have to travel to see his grand
nephew play for the Broncos (signed for a cool four million
plus). San Diego or Oakland? Illegal aliens or certified basket
cases? I crowed that we would be losing our Cal tailgate because
of the Pac Bell Park game location this fall. Lion Larry mentioned taking
a ferry. Then it segued into Hawaii's Thursday night game
against the Trojans and somehow wound up with Lion Tony telling
of his recent vacation to Alaska. I pumped him for info seeing
that I'm departing mid-August for the Kenai and silvers and
halibut. It was a great, relaxed jawfest, especially since Lion
Klink popped for my Corona. It reminded me of the trailers for the
new flic, Inception. |
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The 7th
witnessed Monterey Madness....
The
14th revealed
a table alive with barbecued chicken, potato salad and a machine
gun discussion of growing zucchini, tomatoes, and peppers,
smothered in the Gulf oil spill that was skillfully contained
with the new Hillman Foundation brochure and three headers from
the World Cup. What made it all go down gently was Lion
Paul Prez-to-Be's own synthetic badge, a glossy mess of Lion
color with a papered center identifying him as a guy who
definitely needs help.
As in a new real badge. Hey, Bob, you
listening? Get the guy a badge. He looks like he's sporting a
feminine napkin! One guest of Steve Eklund's is Jim Shallow
(Sp?) who is thinking of membership. Lion Paul, despite the
shortcomings of his "official badge," introduced Mindy and
Carol, the latter a Zobel I heard (or maybe it was just that I
taught a student named Brian Zobel). Lion Stevie 'Wonder"
Eklund, sportin g
a new goatee, captured the
Exempt
Badge for a mere $9.00. With the absence of Lion Pat "Kick Ass"
McKee, LPAAFM (Lion Prez Always Andy From Montana) solicited for
a Joke of the Day, reminding all that we had a "mixed audience."
If he meant women were present, that's OK. If he meant women
were present, that's still not OK. Get it? I was really only concerned about
the four gay guys in the back. Lion Bill Grant rose to
fill Lion Pat's shoes but ended up paying a fine. Damn, the
committee reports were even more dire. Lion Joltin' Jimmy Moore
said it would take another week to
square up things with all the
product vendors before we had an accurate sense of the funds we
made on the Air Fair, Lion Steve reminded us of White Cane Day on October 1, and
Lion Pip presented Lion Jug Covich with an Outstanding Service
Award for all of his work with the Auburn Hosts. Fittingly, Lion
Jug won a free meal for next week (Yugoslavian greens) and Lion
Steve Eklund does not only polish a golf ball, but weaves it
through his new goatee.
Th e 21st found
Lion Jug captivating
us all with his tale of his pedicure/massage at the hands of
Amy, who was, like her co-workers, of Vietnamese descent,
attuned to the comfort of the customer. All of
this because Lion Jug found toenail clippings under our table!
When I asked Jug if they did just toenails, he deferred and
said. "Oh, no, they do everything else." Eyes widened. Pulses
pounded. Tongues hung out. Then we moved on. At that point Lion Dick, after Jug
fielded a question on toenail tipping, jumped in with his
assessment of pedicures and said that the Japanese, according to
his daughter, definitely tip the best. I, of course, could only
offer my son's Leatherby's experience with tight church folk who
never tipped at all and called him a "son of Satan." They got
that right, God bless 'em. From there we laughed our way through
the Journal's coverage of the Valencia Club's "gr and
opening" by a worker/owner(?) and the ever-present prospect of
legal pot growing in the foothills. Lion Tom's angel hair pasta
guided us through it all. LPAAF M
gonged us into the reality that there were no visiting guests or
Lions (unless one counts Bill North) and the Exempt Badge went
to Lion Mark Stempel for $9.00, a matching pledge he made to the
Berkeley Socialists Society. The Joke of the Day turned out to
be a July 4th explosion by several members: Lion Larry Klink
told a parrot joke that got him back in the flow. Giv en
the possibility of being upstaged, Lion Pat McKee rose to
tell us all of the most popular joke of 2010: "Two women were
sitting quietly, minding their own business." Yes, that was it
and he didn't even pay a fine, LPAAFM! His other jokes did not
qualify for the Huzza-Huzza Humor Award but they did scrape by.
Unfortunately, the joke telling erupted at the table level, Lion
Dick Anderson asking "Why did the chicken cross the road?" As we
all waited agony, the Oracle of Ophir came back with "To see
Gregory Peck!" That was followed by Lion Lant asking what
service the IRS did for one. "The same, " he intoned, "that the
bull does for the herd." Check out their results in FINES.
Bless you, LPAAFM, you followed through with the fining! You
should apply to the NCAA! Lion
Jug Civics/Coveech/Covotch/Covatch/Covich then rose to thank the
club for last week's award, saying he didn't know why he was
given the award. He got his answer in appla use. After LPAAFM said there were no committee reports, a gaggle of people
rose
to contravene him: Lion Mike Morello gave us a new date for
the Guest Golf Tourney (Monday, September 13), Lion Jimbo Moore
hawked two different shades of blue shirts (one a definite
commie manifesto). LPAAFM ended it all with a drawing that
produced Lion Pip eating for free and non-golfer Lion Jug Covitch/ Covich/Coveech/ Covotch/ Covatch capturing a glistening
Nike.
The
28th produced
the second week in a
row that LPAAFM cooled us all out with new sandals sans socks.
LPAAFM revealed to me that he had difficulty removing the pink
toenail polish. Damn, he's getting cooler and cooler.... There
was no room at the educator's table so I sat ne xt to Lion Uncle
Larry Brown warily. I'm not a kid but I'm a few years younger and
I think that qualifies me for special attention. Lion FPTT
(former prez Tommy Tratt) paid an egregious sum ($20) for all of
us to find out that he shot
a 72 at Auburn Valley (33 on the
front nine!). Next time he promises to play with a ball. Calls
for a joke with Lion Pat in absentia fell on deaf, but then
aroused, ears. Lion Mike Morello rose to offer his tale of a
southerner fishing without bait. Lion Gabe followed with a
Satanic sentiment. Finally Lion Leon Mr. Tradition Caldwell rose
to tell that a member of a golf scramble thought the idea of a
scramble was good because it was like being a Democrat in that
he got all the
privileges (provided by others). LPAAFM rose to
the occasion and fined Lion Leon back into submissive
banterings. The free meal went to Lion Bob Hostler and Al Archer
got $10.00 for his two-spot. |
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The 7th
witnessed
Monterey
Madness....
The
14th revealed
Lion Glenn Kenes wallowing in his
17years
of marriage which caused him to crap the club abruptly with a
seven. As he did his victory dance, Lion Roy Kleger offered his
mild
7
year itch
to the group and then he had the overwhelming gall to reproduce Lion
Glenn's roll. The first ever double crapper in history! We now
know what we have all suspected. Lion Roy is full of crap! The
sanitation department has been notified and we are on a healthy
path to Margaritaville for next year's induction.
The 21st found
Nada.
The
28th produced
Lion Wayne Johnson claiming a buck fifty's worth of
48
years of
marital madness and four-fifty's worth of living for either
79
or
80
years. He
can't remember. Lion
Wayne's request to turn this part of the meeting into a game
show was declined. Lion Bill North showed for the second week in
a row and laid claim to
92
years on the planet. We should have paid him! Go, Bill! |
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The 10th
witnessed
Lion Larry Klink up and about at the Air Fair and feeling a
part of it all. Welcome back, Lion Larry.
The
14th revealed
a healthy household.
The 21st found
all well and good.
Great to see Lion Klink back in the fold.
The
28th produced
a fit bunch of really
old farts all queued up and eating like mad. Maybe it's global
warming....Lion Ralph below is counseling Lion Uncle Larry about
certain behaviors, ones totally unbecoming to an Auburn Host
unless they too have eight-passenger vans....
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The 7th
witnessed
a veritable
ooga-ooga of sententious scraping. No Stringings...but a host of
good photos courtesy of Lion Dick Anderson....


The 14th revealed
Mindy Danovaro of Sutter Auburn Faith Hospital gi ve us a
PowerPoint presentation that raced through the history of Auburn Faith
from the ten founding physicians who broke ground in 1966 and
the programs, awards, and outpatient services
available today: oncology, bariatric, infusion therapy, wound care,
and VNA (visiting nurses association). Further Mindy spoke to
the latest technologies available and championed the family
birth center. What makes Sutter Auburn Faith so special, Mindy
maintains, is its small footprint within the larger scale of
American Health Care.
The 21st found
our own
Patrick
McKee, Tahoe Club PhD, expound upon the environs we currently
occupy. Lion Pat, a Tahoe Club member, gave us the gist of a
presentation he made to current Tahoe Clubbers. The club, he
said, was founded a hundred years ago. Why was it formed? Nobody
knows. Most people think it was founded upon the model of the
Sutter Club in Sacramento, which was devoted to legislators and
was certainly men only. The speculation for the club's
requirements boils down to two things: 1) turn of the century
bars were often accompanied by bordellos and wives would not
approve, and 2) the club members (made up of judges, lawyers,
professionals) did not want to risk associating with felons. The
club had 41 original members, made up largely of professionals
in the community. They were chartered in 1909 and used to meet
at the old Morgan Building. Their charter cites their purpose as
the "promotion of social intercourse." In 1910 there were 2376
people living in Auburn. The first motion picture arrived in
1913. The Tahoe Club members purchased the current lot for $1550
when a creek ran in front of the place. The members put up
promissory notes of $20 each to purchase it. The architect was
Frank S. Holland, and the place was built in 75 days at a total
cost of both land and construction of $12,109. When the club
opened, there were five different membership levels and they
constructed a number of traditions that live until today: Ladies
Night, Jinx Day, Christmas Dinner, and the Seafood/Crab Feed.
Gaining entrance to the club is as simple as having the board of
directors vote to accept you.
After Lion Pat finished his awesome
presentation, four guys from Ophir kept asking him what was
"Susie's Secret"?
The
28th produced one of the
founders of the Auburn Boys and Girls Club, Jay Ross, stop by to
barter with us (a free lunch for his talk) about the
Auburn-Sacramento Barter Club. Jay said the impetus for this was
his cabin in Tahoe that sat empty most of the time. He thought
he could barter with friends and associates to use the cabin in
exchange for his getting goods and services (food, lawn care,
whatever). The idea took hold and eventually became a club. In
the first year he had about fifty businesses. That has grown
substantially with about 350 business currently using barter
script, which is the equivalent of "cash." The club itself
issues a newsletter, gives out monthly statements (ala VISA),
and is made up for the most part of "mom and pop" enterprises.
In a poor economy, the Barter Club is a "hang tight" group that
recognizes the value of sharing goods and services. The IRS is
always there too. Club members get their 1099's every year. Members (life at $395 and yearly introductory
at $199) see it as a way to move both money, goods, and
services.
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The 7th
witnessed
Monterey
Madness.... 
The
14th revealed
Lion Jim Moore being hailed to give an
abbreviated
report on the success of the Air Fair. Doesn't anyone know of
the Strategic Air Command and planes in the air at all times?
Two of my six brothers were Air Force retirees and I can tell
you they loved the blue....
The 21st
found Lion Pat
suffering the slings and arrows of the entire club when asked if
he, the guest speaker, should receive a free lunch. He received
his denunciation well, though, calling the assembly a "bunch of
bastards."

Lion Pat, as he is often seen, misspoke
(?) and characterized the purpose of the Tahoe Club as the
"promotion of sexual intercourse." He regrouped
immediately and said it was "social intercourse," but the damage
had been done. The club responded
affectionately. That characterization is easily dispelled if one
loo ks at a current photo gallery of Tahoe Club Members.
The
28th produced Lion Steve
Stephenson responding to LPAAFM's anno uncement that Jim Moore
was not here for an Air Fair update by saying, "That'll cut the
meeting in half." Lion Paulo Batmale intoning when introducing
our speaker Jay Ross of the Auburn-Sacramento Barter Club that
it could be a barter shop for girlfriends. Several Lions asked
for the procedure to sign up. Lion Gabe got into the act with a
follow-up question to Jay Ross of the Barter Club—"Got any
undertakers in the club?" |
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The 7th
witnessed
Monterey
Madness....
The
14th revealed
Lion Bad Billy Grant suffering at the hands of Guiseppe....no
Danise, no DaNephew, and NoDaDummshit.... 
The 21st found
Lions Dick Anderson
and Lant Barney practicing "table taunts" which guaranteed them
fines!
The
28th produced
Lion Leon being
savaged by LPAAFM for telling the dumbest joke ever about a golf
scramble, a Democrat, and consequent privileges. |
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The 10th
witnessed
Thunder
in the Sky!
Thanks to Lion Dick Anderson for all the great photos!

The 11th saw
the club alive and well at the Library Garden Series....Thanks
again, to Lion Dick Anderson....

The
14th revealed
Lion Steve Stephenson reminding us all that October 1 is White
Cane Day.
The 21st found
Lion Iron Mike
Morello reminding us of the Monday, September 13th date for the
Guest Member Invitational Golf Tourney.
The
28th produced
the Silence of the
Lambs. Only LPAAFM could be heard panting.
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Lion Joe Clay |
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Category |
Favorite |
Worst |
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Actor |
Yul Brynner |
Sterling Hayden |
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Actress |
Anne Baxter |
Marilyn |
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Automobile |
Lexes 460 |
Ford Falcon |
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Animal |
Pet Parakeet |
Neighbor’s Cats |
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Beverage (non-alcoholic) |
Diet Coke |
Bottled Water |
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Beverage (alcoholic) |
Bourbon |
Any sweet drink |
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Book
(Fiction) |
Atlas Shrugged |
Haven’t read it |
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Book
(non-Fiction) |
Atlas Shrugged |
“ |
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Color |
Blue |
Chartreuse |
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Dessert: |
Apple Pie |
Key Lime Pie |
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Decade |
1950’s |
2010’s |
|
Dufus |
A sailor |
A soldier |
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Female Singer |
Gogi Grant |
Gaga |
|
Magazine |
Popular Science |
Any News Magazine |
|
Male
Singer |
Jim Reeves |
Tiny Tim |
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Meal |
Liver and Onions |
Tacos |
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Movie |
Avatar ( 3D version ) |
Blazing Saddles |
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Musical |
Oklahoma |
Cats |
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Newspaper |
Sentinel |
New York Times |
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Play |
South Pacific |
Jekyll and Hyde |
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Politician |
Ronald Wilson Reagan |
Barack Hussein Oboma |
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Song |
You’ll Never Walk Alone |
In-A -Gadda-Da-Vida |
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Sound |
No longer available |
Cars Crashing |
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Radio Talk Show Host |
Rush |
Al Franklen |
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TV
Talk Show Host |
Glen Beck |
Chris Matthews |
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TV
Show |
Any History/ Discovery channel |
Married with Children |
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Vacation Spot |
Where the Kids are |
Olongopo City (Nobody goes there) |
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Pro
Football Team |
49ers |
San Diego Chargers |
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College Football Team |
Navy |
Army |
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Pro
Basketball Team |
Lakers |
Warriors |
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College Basketball Team |
Cal |
Davis |
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Pro
Baseball Team |
Astros |
Giants |
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College Baseball Team |
Oregon Ducks |
UC San Diego |
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Pro
Golfer |
Lion Pip |
Tiger |
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Athlete (all sports, pro-collegiate) |
Roger Bannister |
Wes Santee |
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Other
Professions |
Military |
Politicians |
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Meeting
your Maker Words |
Yes, I am a Lion |
What do you mean I took a wrong turn |
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Curse
Words |
Never, ever, ask a sailor that question |
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Zen
Moment |
Meeting Marty |
Marty’s Passing |
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We all know what's really cool! Just ask your average sheep... |
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This lion went a step too far in bringing down a baby elephant
just because it got fined for trumpeting.
Then again, it's not really poaching in the wilds. |
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Ok, there is Joe the Colorado Kid and Gabe. Who's the looker between
them? |
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""""
A
young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's.
He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup.
As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in
half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until
each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into
the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then
began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in
her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase
another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The
old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 y ears,
and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she
replied,
"Not yet. It's his turn with the teeth."
" |
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A. I
swallowed a Titleist! |
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B. Ima
gonna tape Andy's mouth shut.... |
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C. It's
tough tending for turkeys.... |
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D. Yours.... |
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The
Children's Cancer Institute Australia and Lions
Australia are working in partnership to find a cure
for childhood cancer. Lions Australia has
contributed, through the Lions Cord Blood and
Childhood Cancer Appeal, over $2.6 million
dollars over nine years and has enabled
Children's Cancer
Institute Australia (CCIA) to carry out
world-class research and make progress into
understanding and developing better therapies for
this devastating group of diseases.
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O'Hern

Click on the golf ball for an interview.

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The Jefferson Lions Club of Jefferson, Texas, has done a lot of work
helping the victims of Hurricanes Rita and Katrina. |
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Anyone who wants to
know the history of college football in America should pick this one
up. It's tough to acknowledge that 24 kids died in 1912 of head
injuries when only one-fiftieth of the current population was
playing the game. It's even tougher to realize that some of these
early players participated at Wounded Knee and most had moms and
dads that fought us (the white man). Check out Colonel Pratt, the
Civil War hero who took on the task of shaping a military barracks
(Carlisle) into the toughest, fastest football team in the nation.
"Pop" Warner had a lengthy stay at Carlisle too that included
coaching Jim Thorpe, whose life and times in the Olympics are
chronicled with his successive loss of Olympic medals and demise of
Carlisle as a football powerhouse. What's cool about Sally Jenkins' reporting (beyond the fifty
pages of footnotes) is that she lets events speak for themselves. My copy is with Lion Paul Batmale.
Ask him when he's done and pass it along. —
Lion TJ |
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The board met for several days at Paul Batmale's abode to decide
whether or not to meet once a month or once a year. Click on the
ghoulish graveyard for a show.
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Lion
Pat in World Record Time solves 50's Rock 'n Roll—1 hour and 12 minutes! Forget
it Ophir.
Just forget it!
This month’s crossword requires you to put on your TV thinking
cap as well as your skills in math. The critical words will all
ask you to think of a TV show that has a number in its title. If
this was music and the clue was a Three Dog Night Album, you may
want to choose one, as in the song “One is the Loneliest Number.
Hang tight, read the clues, and please do better than you did in
cycling. Ophir residents, beware. We are now using something
called language. Remember, Dr. Oz says using your left brain in
crosswords helps ward of Alzheimer’s.
July Solution |
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